yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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