You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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