called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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