I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
