I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
