I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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