ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
