made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
