the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
