that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
