I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
