Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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