Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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