Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
