So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
