This girl is more easily done than said...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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