Sponge bath it is.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
