My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have fence marks all over my body
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
