the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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