Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
