im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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