you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
