so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
