i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
