awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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