Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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