I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
