Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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