Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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