ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
