I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
