my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
40s are totally the cure
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
