You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS