You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime