I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
