I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
