U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.