Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.