Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

  (323): View more from California

  no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

  (310): View more from California

  oh, so thats why my junks red.

  (323): View more from California

  wow. cant help you there...

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  (310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood. (323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up. (310): oh, so thats why my junks red. (323): wow. cant help you there... http://tfl.nu/yeir
  Replies (15) Good night (809) Bad night (1608)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.

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  (406): Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it. http://tfl.nu/qcms
  Replies (2) Good night (1294) Bad night (720)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.

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  (913): He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'. http://tfl.nu/awoj
  Replies (33) Good night (899) Bad night (3249)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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  (573): On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower. http://tfl.nu/pdns
  Replies (3) Good night (2061) Bad night (792)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

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  (617): these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean. http://tfl.nu/z2n6
  Replies (13) Good night (2270) Bad night (1405)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

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  (519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls
  Replies (12) Good night (3218) Bad night (1838)
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once

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  (707): I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once http://tfl.nu/s42e
  Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (1023)
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  (310): View more from California

  I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.

  (1-310): View more from California

  You're sick. Take pictures if you can.

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  (310): I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had. (1-310): You're sick. Take pictures if you can. http://tfl.nu/uy3u
  Replies (4) Good night (1829) Bad night (528)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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  (208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8
  Replies (3) Good night (1579) Bad night (744)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.

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  (813): I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/rba0
  Replies (3) Good night (2248) Bad night (501)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.

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  (971): Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica. http://tfl.nu/ptav
  Replies (3) Good night (1067) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.

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  (336): He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear. http://tfl.nu/c1b0
  Replies (4) Good night (548) Bad night (467)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT

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  (815): YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT http://tfl.nu/vb37
  Replies (10) Good night (614) Bad night (302)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.

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  (763): I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus. http://tfl.nu/3187
  Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (374)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?

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  (253): Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand? http://tfl.nu/rm7i
  Replies (5) Good night (619) Bad night (215)

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