he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My penis needs a shock collar
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible