My friends, they love my intelligence
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
