he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
