i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
