so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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