I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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