dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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