i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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