It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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