he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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