When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my being single is dangerous.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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