on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
