we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
