It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
