if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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