we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
