I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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