$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
