I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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