Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
