Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
