Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
