If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
