I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
two words...techno handjob
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
