One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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