Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
