He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
