Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
