my sisters under your porch take her home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
