It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
