I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
