so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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