how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dear god my vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
