So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
