overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
