sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
