So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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