I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
