end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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