Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
