I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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