He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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