I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
